1. Dinner Parties
Imagined: Candles everywhere, lovely conversation about smart things, deliciously cooked food that you prepared by hand all while looking effortlessly great.
Actual: Candle wax everywhere, Cards Against Humanity tournament that gets dirty and offensive, and the biggest pile of dishes you’ve ever seen in your life, sweat, yours, everyone’s. Your apartment is too small and the oven is too hot (you had to bake a peach crumble, huh!?). Everyone is sweating. You look terrible.
2. Book Clubs
Imagined: Just a group of us sitting around discussing a profoundly life-changing book and how it applies to our lives. There’s wine and cheese, but it’s left untouched because of how riveting this conversation is.
Actual: We’re all standing in the kitchen drinking wine avoiding the topic of the book that only one of us read all the way through (and the person that read it all the way through is not you). More wine anyone!?
3. Your Apartment
Imagined: I am finally going to have an apartment that has only one piece of furniture from IKEA and the rest will be from midcentury vintage stores I find at the stores my well-adjusted significant other and I frequent on the weekends!
Actual: The most adult thing I did was hire the IKEA guys to put together this coffee table, because at least I can splurge on something that will insure that I do not kill my significant other during the process of putting a coffee table together. Small victories.
4. Mortgages, Stocks, 401(k)s, Life Insurance, FINANCES
Imagined: I have all of this under control. I understand these things magically when I become an adult and I know exactly where to invest my money, how to plan for retirement, when I need life insurance, everything is fine!
Actual: NOTHING IS FINE, SOMEBODY HELP ME I AM WASTING MY MONEY!